Hungry For You
by The Homestuck Rambler
Summary: Tavros Nitram is just a normal guy hitting the clubs for his 21st birthday. But when a handsome stranger introduces himself, a normal night isn't so normal anymore. Especially when this handsome stranger asks something of Tavros, he's not sure he's capable of giving. WARNING: GORE, CANNIBALISM AND SMUT! You has been warned :3
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N) A close friend and myself were cassually talking about canniballism...and yaoi...and you can guess what came into our heads ;) And so i suggested, *insert spoiler alert here*, and she was like," Write it. NOW!" So I did :3 Rating will mostly go up to M so please watch out for it:) ENJOY!**

* * *

I can still fully remember how this all happened even though it was around a year ago. He asked me to keep a diary most days to record how I was feeling and what I experienced so he could keep track on my health and if I was ok. It was just an ordinary night with extraordinary consequences:

* * *

It was my 21'st birthday and I and a couple of friends had hit the local club. It had been my second time clubbing but I was still slightly nervous of all the drug dealers and alcoholics at these kinds of things. But Aradia, Nepeta, Vriska, Dave and John reassured me that I would be fine. Aradia, Nepeta and Vriska had been my closest friends for a long time. Even though me and Vriska weren't too keen on each other, we got along ok. I had met Aradia and Nepeta over the internet via a roleplaying game we played as teens. When we met in person, it was so good to meet them. We had been the best of friends ever since, even though I wasn't the most confidant person to hold a conversation with.

I had met Dave at college. He was studying music and d-jing while I was studying zoology. We became rap buddies, even though his raps were far better than mine. He didn't seem to care though. At a time, I kinda had a crush on him. Yeah, yeah, I'm gay. So what? My dreams were shattered when I discovered that he already had a boyfriend- John Egbert. Even though I was broken-hearted and thoroughly hated him for a while, me and john had become good friends.

So anyways, coming back to present time. Or past, I get confused. Anyways, we stood outside the nightclub, lights and music blasting through the windows and the walls. We managed to get inside and the place was massive. I hadn't been here before, but Dave and John had on a date before.

I grabbed onto Aradia's arm as an obviously drunk man barged into us, waving his arms about and hooting in intoxicated hysteria. Ok, maybe a bad start. But I was determined to look grown up in front of my friends. I had just got over my shyness; there was no turning back now.

Our group walked deeper into the club, the lights reflecting onto our bodies. I'm immediately hypnotised by the flashing lights and loud music. I playfully tugged onto Aradia and Nepeta's arms and pull them along with me, giggling like an excited child. I see Dave, John and Vriska look us up and down with raised eyebrows before they laughed and joined us.

After about two hours of dancing and twerking, I decided to take a break and catch a breath. Leaning against a nearby wall, I watched as Dave "ironically" grinded up against John while somehow, maintaining his trademark poker face. I saw Aradia and Nepeta rocking out together, but Vriska was far away from the group, probably flirt-dancing with some guy. Leaning my head back and looking up at the ceiling, I swiped my hand over my brow, wiping away some of my sweat. I double checked that I still had everything that I arrived in, including my wallet, and looked around.

It was then that I saw him.

To my left was a tall man, that looked around my age, leaning against a wall and staring at me. I couldn't tell any particular features at this time, for it was extremely dark, but whenever a light flashed across his face, I could make out a pale face with a shaggy head of dark hair that looked like it needed cutting. I don't know how long he had been checking me out for, but when he saw me staring, he smiled and winked at me- making me blush and look down.

I continue to have a staring contest with the floor, hoping that my blush will fade back into my body and the awkward glances from the handsome stranger will leave my memory. But reality snaps back to me when I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, bro. Are you all up and alright?"

It's a gentle, friendly voice that had a small chuckle to it, but the chuckle wasn't patronizing or mean, just a concerned chuckle, if that made any sense at all.

I raise my head to my left where the voice came from and fair enough, amongst the flashing lights and overly loud music, was the man I caught looking at me. My blood rose to my cheeks once again and my mouth widened slightly. Now up close, I got a good look at him. He wasn't naturally pale- he wore white and black face paint that made him look clown like. He had the most blue eyes I had ever seen. Those very eyes looked deeply into mine, as if looking into my soul, and made my heart melt. He smelt like fizzy soda and his small smile was absolutely dreamy. I only realised I was day dreaming into his face when he shook me gently and asked again if I was ok.

"Um...yeah. Everything's ok thank you" I stammered shyly.

He removed his hand from my shoulder and pointed in the opposite direction.

"Them yo friends over there, bro?"

I turned to look what he was pointing at. He was pointing at Dave, John, Aradia and Nepeta (Vriska still nowhere to be seen).

"Um, yes. It's my birthday today so were kind of celebrating." I had to shout slightly as the beat dropped in the music and other dancers thrashes their arms about around us.

"Motherfucking wicked bro! M'names Gamzee. Gamzee Makara. What's your's handsome?" He winked.

Even more blood rushed to my cheeks at his compliment but I replied with, "Tavros Nitram."

"Good to know ya, Tavvy. Hey, it's really motherfucking loud all up in here. Wanna go somewhere quieter?"

I considered this for a moment. I would have loved to go with this handsome stranger (he seemed interested in me- **YES**!) but what about my friends? Oh well, I thought, I have my phone. They can call when it's time to go home.

"Sure" I said, smiling. He smiled back and took my hand _(SQUEE!) _and led me through the club to a quieter area where hardly anyone was around. There was a table and a few chairs around it. He sat down on one of them and indicated for me to do the same.

For most of the night, we talked about our hobbies, our lives and our interests. I learned that this Gamzee Makara was a year older than myself (22), we shared our interests of rap music, he worked at a cheap music store down the street, he had a history of smoking marijuana( but was clean now), and most importantly, he swung both ways! So I defiantly had a chance with this handsome stra- Gamzee Makara.

Our fun quickly came to an end when my phone rang, a worried cat-faced text from Nepeta asking on my whereabouts. I politely excused myself, but not before Gamzee extracted some paper from his pocket, scribbled on it and handed it to me.

He pulled up his little finger and pointing finger and wiggled them by his ear. As I turned to walk away with a furious blush on my face I read the paper:

A number scribbled down along with a: Call Me ;O)

"Where the _fuurrrick_ where you Tavros!" Nepeta exclaimed when I caught up with them.

"Sorry guys, I saw someone and just tagged along with them."

This highly amused Vriska of course,"Oh ho ho! My little Tavvy got lucky tonight then?"

"_**What!?**_ No! I just got his number."

She left the conversation with a condescending wink.

I couldn't wait until I got home to call Gamzee. I was extremely attracted to him, but there was a strange something about him that my subconscious told me to stay away from, but I was so curious to find out what this certain something was- even if it cost me my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N) Hey guys! Sorry i've left this alone for a while, I've had to focus on exams and relationship bussiness :) Hope you enjoy this chapter guys xxx**

When we got home, I was either too exhausted from either the dancing, or my friends interfering with my encounter with a handsome stranger to call Gamzee in the end. When I woke up the next morning at 6:37, I wasn't at all please to have a hangover. Nor was I pleased to realise that I hadn't called that hot guy back!

Groaning, I rolled over in bed feeling the terrible pain of a headache growing. "I'll do it later, I promise Gamzee..." I mumble to no one.

After a couple more hours in bed, I decided to inspect my flat for any evidence of wreckage my friends may have made. Just in my Pokémon pyjama bottoms, I tread my way out of my room. Sneaking to the living room, I see no one made a mess. I guess they put me to bed and went on their merry way. Probably with Vriska's protest.

I pad to the bathroom and am appalled by myself in the mirror. Messy Mohawk splaying itself across my forehead: My natural bed-hair. Nepeta once jokingly said that it looked sexy but right now, I don't think I look or feel one tiny bit sexy.

Small, only just noticeable, bags lay under my brown eyes. I rub them, trying to shoo off the tiredness they felt. That didn't work. After filling the sink with cold water, I splash some on my face, a shocked and re-awoken Tavros staring wide eyed back at me. While brushing and styling my Mohawk back into a reasonable shape, I remembered that I had Gamzee's number written down somewhere.

I excitedly scrambled around, trying to find it. Then I thought – Living Room. Rushing to the sofa I saw it there on the coffee table. Gamzee's number and that strange smiley face.

I grabbed a drink of water and punched in his number on my phone contact list as- Gamzee :O)

I started to text.

Tavros: Um,,,hi! It's Tavros from last night. I'm not sure if you remember me, or whatever but you gave me your number. You don't have to talk to me if you don't wanna,,,,or,,,something. So,,, hi }:)

"IDIOT!" I think to myself, "Now he's never gonna want to talk to me!"

But a few minutes later I received:

Gamzee: Hey bro!:OD How's you? I remember you, don't worry Tavbro. And I'd love to talk to you. You're a cute motherfucker ;O)

Wow. Surely wasn't expecting _that._

Tavros: I'm fine,,,um,,thank you. }:) and thank you,,i found you pretty,,,um,,cute too.

Gamzee: wow I'm motherfucking blushing all up in here bro ;O)

Tavros: heehee,,,,,I'm sorry Gamzee

Gamzee: Nothin to it, bro. didn't you say you lived locally to the club?

Tavros: Uh,,yeah! Cant believe you actually,,um,,,remember that!}:D

Gamzee: Hell yeah bro! Say, if you're not busy or anything today...wanna motherfucking meet up?

Tavros:Um yeah sure! What times? Where?

Gamzee: Maybe at my work? Y'know where scratched records is, right bro?

Tavros; yeah, it's just down the road }:)

Gamzee: Bitchtits. Meet me there at about one?

Tavros: Sure }:) can't wait!

Gamzee: me either Tavbro ;O)

A date. Was this a date? HOLY COW IT WAS A DATE! I had finally hooked up with a total hottie! Time to call Nepeta- there was one more ship in her Armada!

After getting dressed in some casual black jeans and an orange shirt that didn't scream, "Gay gay gay", I texted Nepeta to tell her the news. She replied with her signature cat face and several "omg's" and a few "to the shipping wall's!". I put my phone on vibrate and walked out of the apartment, locking the door behind me.

* * *

When I got to the record store it seemed much more interesting than the other millions of times I had past it before. And just as promised, the lanky black haired- face painted man I now knew as Gamzee was standing behind the counter, twiddling his thumbs and looking around nervously. I walked up to the window and shyly waved to get his attention. He jumped and smiled at me, his face almost splitting in two as his eyes shined with excitement and happiness. He raced to the store's door and came outside, facing me with his smile still splitting his face.

"Tavbro! I motherfucking all up and thought you were gonna, like, all up and stand me up or some motherfucking shit!"

"Hell no, bro. You seem like a pretty cool dude. Last night was pretty fun, huh?"

"Sure it motherfucking was! I'd love to know more 'bout you bro" He said with a wink.

"HEY, SHITHEAD!" an unfamiliar voice shouted from inside the record shop. We both turn around to see a ginger midget holding the store door open. "GET YOUR PATHETIC CLOWN ASS BACK IN HERE, GAMZEE. I'M NOT LETTING YOU OFF AGAIN, AND CERTAINLY, DEFINATLY NOT TO GO ON A FUCKING DATE WITH YOUR NEW LOVER-BOY."

Gamzee turns to me and explains,"That's Karkat, my best bro. Don't mind him, he's always got his miraculous panties in a motherfucking twist." I giggle at the statement while Gamzee walks over to Karkat and obviously tries to reason with him. Or at least, I think he's trying. All I see is Gamzee looking chilled as ever while Karkat growls and shouts at him, which is kinda funny because he has to look up at Gamzee while he does so because of his height.

Soon, the angry ginger goes back into the store and Gamzee walks back to me.

"So bro, where d'ya wanna go?"

We end up in the nearest Starbucks, sipping coffee, nibbling on cakes and talking about basic hobbies and whatever. I tell him about some of my crazy friends and my strange life-long obsession with things like Pokémon and a video game that I met Aradia and Nepeta on called F.L.A.R.P.

I learn that Gamzee has an older brother called Kurloz and that his Mother died when he was very young and his Dad was hardly around so his older brother took care of him. His brother was mute, after the traumatising experience of losing their mother, but Gamzee was too young to remember his mother, or her death, so it didn't truly affect him. He had smoked weed to cope with the guilt of not feeling remorse about his mum, and stopped when his Brother's girlfriend found out. She took him to rehab and given him all the help he needed to recover.

He had met his "best-bro" Karkat at the rehab centre. He was being treated for anger issues and the two talked and confronted their similarities and became good friends.

"Y'know bro. I think you're really motherfucking cute."

I stopped mid-sip of my drink and looked him in the eye. I thought the same about him. Was he serious?

"R-really?"

"Motherfuck yeah. When I saw you in the club, you looked motherfucking delicious." He blushed, still locking my eyes with his.

"Th-thank you. I've kinda,,,felt similar to you too..."

He perked up, a hopeful smile filling his face.

"Really bro? That's motherfucking miraculous." He reached for my hand on the table and circled his slender fingers around them. His hands were so warm, I could have held his hand forever. I put down my drink and wondered what his lips tasted like. Why he wore that odd face paint. I wanted to know everything about him. He leaned in towards me, his warm breath pausing. I leaned in, hoping to meet him halfway and closing my eyes. But he startled me when he squeezed my hand. When I opened my eyes, he had leaned back away from the almost-kiss.

"I better get the motherfuck back bro. Karbro be all kinds of mad if I'm late."He sighs, looking away from me.

"I understand." I regrettably let go of his hand and stand up to go. He stands up and insists he walked me home.

We hold hands the whole way there, which made my heart spin and jump throughout the whole journey.

"Well, this is my block" I say, turning to him.

"It's been awesome hanging with you today bro. Perhaps...call me anytime you wanna do it again?"

"I'd love to" I smile. He lets go of my hand and appears to leave, but he comes back, pushing his lips against mine. He tastes like Faygo and slightly of coffee and cakes. He smells of dried paint and unwashed hair. It's perfect. He races off, leaving me stunned and glued to the spot. He looks back at me a couple of times, a clear blush visible beneath his white paint.

* * *

When I get back to the record shop, Karbro is not motherfucking happy. He's grumpy as shit and gives me a stern look when I enter the store.

"SO?"

"So motherfucking what bro?" I ask.

"WHAT HAPPENED AT YOUR'E DATE?" He scowls at the D word.

"Oh, it was fun. We motherfucking went to Starbucks and shit. He's so motherfucking cute, bro you won't even know." Tavros has truly left me in a dream.

"BUT DID YOU BRING UP THE FUCKING DEAL? THE CONTRACT? ANY OF THAT SHIT?"

"Nah bro. Didn't feel like the right time." I say, rubbing the back of my neck guiltily.

"WAIT, YOU DONT FUCKING TRULY LOVE HIM DO YOU?"

"Dunno Kar. I think I'-"

"OH HELL FUCKING NO. HOW ELSE ARE WE GONNA GET THE GOOD STUFF NOW?"

"I'll find a way bro, I motherfucking promise! You never know, I might be able to get him to agree to it."

"I FUCKING HOPE SO GAMZ. I FUCKING HOPE SO."


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N) Sorry i havn't updated in a while. I've had an important exam to study for and today i finnally did it! Yay! Here's your new chapter, you eager little puppies. Thanks so much for the reviews guys, it really supports and encourages me. I wanna hug all of ya'll. Thanks again for reading ;)**

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As soon as I walk through my door, I lean back against it and sigh dreamily. Wow. We actually kissed. I know kissing on the first date wasn't the best idea, but I was so happy! I loved him so much, his smell, his hair, the way he talked-it was enough to make me swoon.

I fished my phone out my pocket and with trembling fingers, I started to type Nepeta.

Tavros: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

Nepeta: Tavros! Tell me! How was the date?! Was it good ;3

Tavros: It was the best! We went to starbucks and talked a lot. And he walked me home! And kissed me! }:/)

Nepeta: OMG OMG OMG! You're so lucky! You two are absolutely purrfect! Guess going to that club was a good idea, huh Tavvy :3

Tavros: Totes.

Nepeta: So have you made anymore arrangements?:3

Tavros: Not yet. He,,,um,, told me to call or something. He had to get back to his workmate or he would get mad.

Nepeta: Gamzee or the workmate?

Tavros: Defiantly the workmate. You should have heard the type of shit he said to my Gamzee.

Nepeta: *SQUEE* you go, Tavvy, sticking up for your man! :3

Tavros: Heehee yeah… Look Nep, I better um go.

Nepeta: oh I see ;3 have fun dreaming bout lover boy! ;3

Tavros: oh, I will };)

I put my phone down on the kitchen counter and totally collapse onto the sofa. My first date in years and it had gone down so well. I couldn't wait to see Gamzee again. Did the kiss mean he liked me? Of course he liked me, he said it himself. Did this make us boyfriends? I was so tired and weak at the knees, I thought it best to just flop out and sleep. So I did and my dreams were filled with beautiful dreams of the black-haired man, illuminated by dance club lights, leaning closer and closer.

His scent filled my nose and suddenly, his hair was entwined with my fingers, his lips and hot breath on my neck. His hands skated down my body, caressing my sides and hips, all the way down to my legs and ass. Our tongues circled eachother and his hands slipped off my shirt. I felt his hands travel down to my waistband and…..

Dammit.

I woke to my trousers being a little tighter than usual. Better head out to the bathroom. Goddamn I wish we were boyfriends, for this situation would be awkward if we weren't.

* * *

I could never stop thinking about Tav. The way he smiled, the way he would blush when I smiled at him. He was the motherfucking definition of cute and I wanted him. I wanted him so bad. But I couldn't help remembering the real reason why I went to that club just those couple of nights ago. I hated to admit my problem to myself. I hated it. It made me want to be sick, to scrap that disgusting part of my life and start anew. Bu t I couldn't. I had to feed the addiction that swelled inside me. Not only for myself, but for Karbro too.

We were cannibals.

It all started when I was very little. I lived with my older brother, Kurloz. Our father was never around so we could do what we liked. When I was ten, my brother joined a dangerous cult. It made him grow out his hair and take on a vow of silence he was never aloud to break. But I got used to his new way of living. But there was one thing about the cult that I could never get my head around. His cult made him eat human flesh. It convinced him to create terrible murders and eat their flesh.

And he gave me some of the meat. He never told me what it was for a while- my naive child brain not caring what it was. But all I knew was that it was delicious, and addictive. I craved it like a drug and would beg my brother for more every day.

I wouldn't join his cult. Never. I just wanted the delicious, succulent taste of human flesh. Just the thought makes my mouth water. He told me what the meat was when I was thirteen. I was slightly bothered, but not enough to stop me from helping him kill people and cook them up.

When I left the house, Kurloz refused to supply me with more meat, signing that I had to catch my own. I've killed many people to satisfy my needs. Karkat got into it from me. I had given him some at work and he was hooked. But he only lets me do the killing.

We have a plan. A plan that I have to act out on Tavros, whether I like it or not. I have to get him to sign a contract. A contract that will give me the permission to cut off certain limbs and parts at a time, enough to feed myself and Karkat. Then we will have to ask for more. And more.

I didn't want to do this. **I COULDN'T!** But his muscular arms, his slightly pudgy stomach, those slender legs were calling me. He would never love me. Who could? The thought of licking my tongue along his body sent dirty, pleasurable feelings through me. The thought of eating him made me tingle.

There must be a way to satisfy my hunger and save Tavvy's life at the same time. There must be. Tavbro wasn't like any other. I couldn't lose him. I couldn't.


	4. Chapter 4

**(A/N) Hi everyone! Thanks so much for following and reviewing, it means a lot to me. Sorry I haven't update for ages- exams are a bitch. If you aren't following already please do because the next chapter is PROMISED SMUT and it wont pop up in the usual feed because it will be M rated. Thanks again, BYEEEEEE**

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~~~1 month later~~~

I wake in the morning to a small bleeping sound from under my pillow. My groggy morning head refuses to cooperate so I only regain full consciousness when the bleeping stops. I slide my hand under the pillow and my hand touches the cool metal of my phone. I wrap my hands around it and bring it out and check the screen. It reveals that it is 10:56 am and that I have a text from my boyfriend, Gamzee.

I smile and unlock the screen to read his text.

Gamzee: Good morning beautiful :O*

I smile and swiftly reply.

Tavros: Same to you, too. How are you babe?

Gamzee: I'm all up and good bro. was gonna all up and ask if you wanted to get your pretty ass all up in my pad y'know. It'd be pretty motherfucking rude if I didn't show you around for the first time.

Tavros: heehee. I would um love to Gamz.

Gamzee: good to know bro ;O)

Tavros: I remember when I was so confused about what we were. I was so worried that kiss on our first date was only platonic }:) glad to know you really did feel the same way as me gamz };)

Gamzee: of course I would babe ;O) a kiss from me always up and means something brother

Tavros: }:)

Gamzee: :O)

Gamzee: so what time to you all wanna come over babe?

Tavros: oh I dunno. How about in the late afternoon? Or late evening?

Gamzee: sounds bitchtits, bro! you all up and planning something ;O)

Tavros: maaaaaybe

Gamzee: ;O) I'll be all up and looking forward to your little visit then bro. come anytime you want between 4 and 6 then yeah?

Tavros: course. Love you Gamzee xxxxxxxx

Gamzee: I love you too Tavbro xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I lock my phone and cling it to my chest and sigh happily. Gamzee was gonna finally show me where he lived. He had come round mine a couple of times to watch movies and hang out so I was so excited to find out what his house looked like. He told me it was a flat as well, only a little bit smaller than the one I owned. We had been happily together for a month ago and I had wanted him for such a long time. And judging by the looks Gamzee gave me when we were alone together, he did too. There was a time where we were making out on my couch and we so very almost went all the way, if it wasn't for Karkat calling him up, asking about some kind of deal. I didn't want to eavesdrop on my boyfriend's calls so I didn't ask about it. I hoped that Gamzee's invitation this morning was an implication for us to try again.

I got up after 10 minutes of day-dreaming and decided to clean up. After a relaxing hot shower, I spent around an hour picking what to wear. I didn't want to wear anything too shabby. One thing I had learned from Kanaya is that when meeting with a partner, you shouldn't look like you made too much of an effort, while still looking fabulous all the same.

I decided that whatever I wore, Gamzee would still compliment me on my 'cuteness' or in his own words," damn tavvy, your all up and looking pretty motherfucking cute today!"

I smile at the memories before throwing on some clothes. I simply wore my black jeans and an amusing clown t-shirt I bought when I first started dating Gamzee. It was an ICP style shirt that said: 'I love clowns' on it. Gamzee fell in love with it the moment he saw me wearing it.

By the time I'm finished styling my hair and putting on my clothes, its only 2 o'clock and I've got tons of free time to spend. I check I've got everything ready and perfect before realising that I have no idea where my crazy clown-faced boyfriend lives! I unlock my phone once again and start to text:

Tavros: hey,,uh,, Gamz. I kinda don't know where you live…

Gamzee: oh! Knew I had forgotten something! Sorry bro.

Tavros: That's ok }:)

Gamzee: Heres my motherfucking address :O)

413 GreenRoad Flats

Goatley Way

SeaView Avenue

Tavros: Isn't that near scratched records?

Gamzee: yeah bro! You know where it is?

Tavros: Yeah! Can't wait to see you tonight Gamz };)

Gamzee: me either Tavvy xxx

I close my phone and turn on the TV to watch some cartoons to pass the time. I'll go in an hour or two, but for now I think I'll just chill with Pokémon, and plans for my boyfriend running through my head.


	5. Chapter 5

I reread the text message for the four dozen times that day. I stood outside of the home the text read the address off, and with a shaky, but excited breath I walked forward to ring the doorbell for Gamzee's flat. Soon, a voice came from the number labelled 413," Hey bro! Who's this?"

"Um, Gamzee? It's me, Tav." I smile into the intercom.

"TAVBRO!" an excited Gamzee replies to me," come the motherfuck in!"

I giggle, and enter through the doorway as it clicks open for me. I climb the stairway until I reach his door. Well, I can't tell whether it is because my excited boyfriend is already standing in the open doorway, a sexy mischievous grin wiped across his face and his body snaking around the doorframe.

"Welcome, Tavvy to my own dark carnival. Come in, babe, make yourself all up and at home."

He stands straight and bends his arms to hug me. I fall into his embrace, nuzzling my face into his chest, soaking up his scent.

We go inside and his place is just as I expected. Slightly worn out purple wallpaper cover the walls, complementing the indigo rug that covers a small part of the wooden floorboards. It's a small flat but it looks very… homely. It's a little bit messy- faygo bottles, pizza boxes and crisp packets scattering the floor but it's what I expected from Gamzee. He sees me looking and kicks the trash to a hidden corner while blushing in embarrassment.

I walk over to him and cup my hands around his face. "It's ok babe. I like things a little messy." I say, trying to be seductive before I lock my lips with his. He stiffens, but soon melts into the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing back, his lips enveloping mine. I move my hands to grip at the black locks covering his neck, tugging slightly and run my tongue over his lip. I feel the heat from his cheeks radiate onto my face and I reply by doing the same, my blood rushing to my face and ears. He moves one hand up to my face, pushing back and fighting for dominance. I let him slide his tongue into my mouth and take over- exploring my mouth. I moan as he grips my ass and pulls my hair. He pushes me towards the couch and we stumble over each other as we fall onto it, Gamzee dominating me. I stare up at him through lust clouded eyes and he looks so gorgeous. The way his chest moves as he pants and the way his half lidded eyes stare down at me, staring into my deepest darkest thoughts. He connects his lips back onto mine, rougher this time, needing.

He glides his hand up my shirt, caressing the blushing skin underneath. It is now that I feel all my blood rush north, making my trousers tighter than usual and the need to feel Gamzee naked on top of me grow. I grip his hair with both hands, forcing his mouth harder onto mine. I buck into him and moan in satisfaction at the mirroring bulge I feel there. He purrs in my ear which makes me twitch in excitement.

He starts to grind against me, making me feel sparks of pleasure ignite inside me. Moaning like a beast in heat, I attempt to rip off Gamzee's shirt and toss it somewhere on the floor. He copies my actions and soon, he's desperately unzipping my jeans. He palms the buldge that's formed in my pants, my head lolling back against the armrest of the couch.

"G- Gamzee! Ung.." I moan, my head clouding with lust and all the dirtiest thoughts of what I would do to Gamzee right now. Said person now has his lips on my neck, licking the flesh. He whispers ,"Now now Tavvy, you gotta be a good boy now babe. For me?" He looks up at me and the whole sight of his innocent eyes and his hand on my dick is all too much.

"Please Gam.. I…I want you" He bites down in one rough movement and wiggles my jeans and underwear down, so my fully exposed dick now stands tall and proud, begging for attention. I cry out in pleasure as he starts stroking me teasingly and bites on my neck- a little harder than I wanted him to.

As his strokes get harder he starts to beg into my collar bone," please Tavvy… touch me…"

His request is soon answered. I work my way into his jeans, taking them down with his underwear as I go. I roughly stroke his dick, matching the orgasmic speed he's stroking mine with.

He must love my neck, for he's absolutely devouring the flesh there, biting and sucking enough to cause me to bleed and feel pain. The pain is overpowering the pleasure and I don't like it. I'm so close but the uncomfortable pain holds me back. I can hear Gamzee's grunts and groans of pleasure as I stroke him, but now it's not as enjoyable.

"Gamzee," I beg," Please stop….I.. Don't like this…. It hurts!" He continues, lapping up the blood he's causing to fall. I retract my hand from him, trying to push him off.

"GAMZEE PLEASE IT'S HURTING!" He suddenly stops and pants, maybe composing his thoughts. He looks up at me, a tear starting to fall down my cheek.

"Tav? Oh god!" He sits up, wiping the tear from my face and searching my eyes for,, well anything I suppose. "I'm so sorry Tav, I got carried away. I god what have I done to you? I promised myself I wouldn't hurt you."

"It's ok, Gamzee. I'm alright. It's just your biting hurt is all. I 'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry babe. Oh shit look at you. Imma go get a band aid."

I grab his arm to stop him," No please stay. It's ok. I just never knew you had a fetish like that." I hold him, wanting to just sleep in his arms.

"It's not a fetish." He mumbles.

"What?" I ask.

"It's not a fetish." He repeats, looking into my eyes. "I need to talk to you about something babe."


	6. Chapter 6

"I need to talk to you about something babe."

My blood runs cold at what Gamzee has just uttered, sitting up by my elbows and looking at him seriously. With our arousals still evident, Gamzee slid his boxers and pants back up and did the same for me. He kissed at my bare stomach which was now filled with butterflies.

If him practically eating me while we 'did it' wasn't a fetish, I was pretty worried about what it was going to be. If it was a part of his mental illness and he simply forgot to take his meds- it would be fine. I would just force some of his pills down him and everything would be fine.

That was the only thing I could think of in this situation, and my mind was ignorant to whatever else it could possibly be.

I searched my boyfriend's deep eyes for an answer to the question I couldn't guess the answer to. They were filled with sadness and hesitation. It was if I could see his thoughts flickering in his eyes- yes and no's switching like traffic lights. He moved his head away from our intense gaze and rested the side of his head on my warm stomach.

I intertwined my fingers in his black hair, scratching at his scalp like he liked it. "It's ok, Gamzee. Whatever it is it'll be alright. It's probably just that you're not taking your meds…or um… something. I'll love you no matter what."

He nuzzled into my touch and smiled sadly.

He mumbled something I couldn't hear, so I asked him to speak up. He turned his head and looked up at me again, tears swelling in his perfect eyes.

"Oh Gamzee!" I sighed, wiping away the tears that threatened to fall down his beautiful face. He clenched his eyes and sighed heavily.

"Tavvy, I don't know what to do. I'm a mess. You'd never love me if I told you"

"Gamz, it's ok. Just tell me" I said, frustrated that he couldn't tell me. I trusted him and I thought he trusted me too.

I couldn't tell Tavros, I just couldn't. I needed to tell him but it was just so motherfucking hard. He was shy and bashful- he would probably leap from underneath me and run as fast as his little tanned legs would carry him. He would run back home and call the cops. Oh well, it wasn't like I hadn't been in jail before. I would lose the love of my life and I couldn't bare that, just the thought brought tears to my eyes.

I didn't know how to explain it. It was my MOTHERFUCKING brother who got me into this vile shit. Made me addicted to the only thing that would most likely leave me.

"I need help, babe. I'm addicted to…..

To human flesh."

I stared down at his flat stomach, fearing the look on his face too much.

"So... it is like a fetish?" he quietly asked, obviously naive and confused.

I chuckle nervously, looking up at his puzzled face. The post-sex sweat sticking his Mohawk to his forehead looked so cute on him right now, all ruffled and sexy.

Laughing nervously I say, "No Tavros. My brother got me addicted to the taste of human flesh, human meat. His cult made him do it and he made me eat it. I've been a cannibal since I was a teenager. I never wanted to tell you, I never wanted to hurt you and I never will. I love you so much. I understand if you hate me and if you wanna leave, babe. I will never hurt you."

A million thoughts race through my head in those last moments. What? **WHAT?! **

This perfect creature that lay before me, the one I have unconditionally loved for such a long while, is a monster? A man-eater? How many people has he _**killed? MURDERED!**_

Fear, disgust, shock and upmost terror courses through my brain. Was I gonna be his next victim? His romantic promise of never hurting me pulled at my heart strings, but I could still feel my eyes flickering with fear.

But this criminal was my boyfriend. My Gamzee. I loved him.

"Oh my God Gamzee. I- I love you too. I- I- I won't leave you, I swear," I say, cupping his crying face in my shaking hands, "I can help you. I can get you help. Even take you back to rehab if you like. Just please, never do this!"

I was so scared. I hoped and prayed to any deity that would listen that Gamzee was on his meds. If he wasn't, I would most likely be his next victim any minute.

I let him cry out his emotions, rewarding him for telling me with a few soft kisses and strokes of his hair. But when he slowly fell into sleep, I scooted out from under him, clothed myself and slipped out of his apartment, shutting the door behind me.

As I walked back to my own home, I let my tears spill down my face. What the hell had I got myself into? What was I going to do now?

I couldn't see him again. I only had a small glimpse of what he was truly like. What if he raped me? Killed me, or even ate me. Maybe all three.

But he loved me didn't he?


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up on my sofa, my eyes tired and my face stuck from tears. I sit up and wipe my hand down my face. I soon realise I'm shirtless but my trousers and boxers are hanging loosely near my thighs. I blink a while before I realise that Tavros isn't with me. I soon realise I'm alone in my flat.

And then I remember the night before…

"GAMZEE IT HURTS!"

"STOP!"

His voice fills my head- filled with passion and pain. I remember that I hurt him and I had to stop. And then…

And then my confession. When I told him what I was. I felt the anger and frustration course through my veins- the voices filling my head.

I had just ruined everything hadn't I? I had lost the only person I had ever truly loved. And who ever returned those miraculous feelings. I had fucked up everything. As the anger courses through me, I rack my nails across my face- loving the sting it leaves behind. But it's not enough.

I claw at my face, ripping it over and over again. **FUCK MY STUBBY NAILS! **I wanted to claw away my hideous face as if it was a monstrous mask that would reveal a true, pure and innocent true form. But reality is a cruel thing. Even though the scratches stung and I could feel small bubbles of blood forming I gave up and simply lay there, my arms covering my head. Why? WHY HAD I DONE THAT!?

I probably wasn't going to ever see him again. Of course he would run away. My precious Tavvy would be so scared. He had a right to be. What kind of idiot what expect someone to stay after bien told _that?!_

My Tavvy….

I can't control it. The tears. They pour down my face in broken sobs and screams. I was a monster! I cry and sob as if that would bring him back. If it would, I would cry for him forever.

Through my tears I see my phone flash up. I grab it immediately, hoping it was Tavros. It wasn't.

Karkat: HEY FUCKER. I HEARD NOTHING FROM YOU YESTERDAY. YOU ALRIGHT?

Karkat. My best bro. The voices within my head battle with each other. _Should we reply? Should we ignore it? I wonder what would happen if we did…_

Before they could control me anymore, I grab the phone, unlock it and reply.

Gamzee: Sorry Karkat. I was busy

Karkat: DOING WHAT? IT'S NOT HARD TO FUCKING SEND A SMALL TEXT. AND WHY ARE YOU TYPING LIKE THAT?

Gamzee: Like what?

Karkat: YOUR'E USING PROPER PUNCTUATION AND NOT USING ANY CURSES LIKE USUAL? ARE YOU OFF YOUR MEDS?

Gamzee: Maybe

Karkat: HOLY FUCKING SHIT. GAMZEE TAKE YOUR MEDS NOW BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR NUTRITION CHUTE!

Gamzee: Fine I'll take them.

I really don't want Karbro coming over right now. I'm a mess and I know it. I only want Tavros.

Karkat: I DON'T TRUST YOU RIGHT NOW GAMZEE. MAKE A VIDEO OF YOU EATING THEM PROPERLY SO I CAN BELIEVE YOU

I sigh and walk to the kitchen. Opening the cabinet over the sink I see my meds. A chunky white box that held about three bottles of my prescribed medication greeted me. I grabbed one of the tinted bottles and walk to the sink and get a cup of water and then back to the sofa. I sit down and grab my phone. I switch to the camera app and hit record.

The little beep tells me I'm ready. I show the camera my face even though I know Karkat will instantly see the small grazes that occupy my face. I lay it down on the coffee table in front of me so it's pointing up. I show it the pills I need and the water. I make sure I'm positioned right so the lens captures me putting the pills in my mouth. I grab the phone and face it in front of me. I open my mouth- showing three little pills lying on my tongue. With my free hand I grab the water and chug down a loud mouthful. When I feel the pills slip down my throat I gasp and open my mouth. I show to the camera that no pills remain in my mouth like it's some kind of magic trick.

I click the record button again and the same little beep tells me that it's finished. I send the video to Karkat and a few minutes later I get a reply.

Karkat: WELL DONE. AND THANK YOU. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW FUCKING WORRIED I GET OVER YOU GAMZEE. IM ALWAYS SCARED THAT YOU'LL STOP TAKING YOUR PILLS AND GO ON ANOTHER RAMPAGE.

Gamzee: No need to be all up and worrying about that bro. The voices have stopped now. I just got distracted is all

Karkat: ARE YOU WITH TAVROS?

Gamzee: Not any more :O(

Karkat: WHAT HAPPENED?

Gamzee: well last night we were all up and getting it on and shit. Then I accidently hurt him and I ended up telling him about this...problem. The little motherfucker said that he would help me through it and all would be ok. But when I woke up just now, he all up and left without sayin goodbye :'O(

Karkat: OH SHIT MAN. SO THOSE SCRATCHES ON YOUR FACE I SAW… HOLY SHIT PLEASE LET ME COME OVER

Gamzee: ok Karbro. See ya :'O(

He doesn't reply so I assume that he is already on his way. I let my pills and cup stay where they are and zip up my jeans. I lie back on the couch and close my eyes with a sigh. I just wanted to wake up and all this be a bad dream. But soon Karkat would be here and be able to comfort me. He was the only person who could. Maybe he could take pity on me and help me stop this demonic addiction. Maybe he could let Tavros help him to.

If Tavros ever did come back.

Soon a desperate knock awakes me from my sad daydream.

I get up and quickly scamper to the door. I open it wide and my short soul mate stands on the other side. I get shoved back from the force of his small frame crashing into my lanky one. His arms squeeze me in a scared and panic stricken hug. I close the door and hug him back, his fluffy black head of hair pillowing my sobbing face.


	8. Chapter 8

I couldn't sleep that night. Everything that happened at Gamzee's kept replaying in my mind and wouldn't let me fall into the heavenly pit of slumber. I just lay there, my duvet cuddling around me. Part of me wished it was Gamzee instead of the duvet but I knew that for now I had to push away any feelings like that.

How could I ever go back to see Gamzee again after what I encountered? I desperately wanted to, but I was scared beyond belief. I knew he loved me but I couldn't trust him. If the wonderful and charming man I fell in love with could do something like that, I didn't want him to charm me anymore. What if he was just stringing me along to be another victim? It was likely but he had never talked about who he had murdered and what connection he had with them.

In the early hours of the morning, I just lay there sobbing my broken heart out. I wanted Gamzee. I wanted him to walk into my bedroom, tell me everything was just a bad dream and hold me. Hold me and never let go until I fell asleep in his arms.

But I knew that wasn't going to happen. Even though I knew Gamzee was a criminal, I loved him. My heart knew what it wanted and it didn't care about all the bad things Gamzee had done before. And neither did I.

Even though I still loved the mysterious stranger I met all that time ago, I was still scare that if I visited him he would reject me. He would probably be angered that I left without a word and break it off. He would probably be embarrassed and infuriated.

Or he could be missing me just as I was missing him.

I get out of bed, just wearing my boxers and go to the kitchen. I open the cupboard and get out my favourite mug- one that I got for my 10th birthday. It was a medium sized mug that had Peter Pan, Wendy, Michael and John (her brothers) flying around it. I still do love Peter Pan and it's the movie I watch whenever I need my happy place. I scoop a few spoonfuls of cocoa powder, sugar and some milk into the empty mug while I wait for the kettle to boil.

I search around the TV and get Peter Pan and slide the disk into the movie player. I fill the mug up and stir the hot chocolate until it is drinkable.

I sit there watching Peter Pan three times, reciting all the lines and imitating Peter's voice as if it was my own. Ever since I was little I've always longed for Neverland to be real. To just fly away whenever I pleased into a better place. A place where I never had to grow up, buy things, pay bills and deal with difficult decisions and scenarios.

A place where I could be free.

When the third running of the film is finished I look at the time on my phone. Its 7:30am.

Gamzee hasn't text me, but I kinda expected him not to. I had drunk my hot chocolate throughout the first play of the film and as it rested on the coffee table beside me, I looked at the dark brown rings the dried liquid had made at the bottom of the cup.

I can't be bothered to wash it up so I just get up and chuck it in the sink- filling it with some water so it would be easier to clean when I got round to doing it. I have to go into work today which really pisses me off. But I haven't slept at all and if anybody tries to talk to me, I might have a breakdown.

I give up and call into work.

"Hello, this is Mark, Gracie's Diner. How may I help you?"

"Uh, hey Mark."

"Tavros! Why have you called in buddy? Everything ok?" No. everything is defiantly not ok.

"Umm, yeah. I've just gotten really sick over the weekend. I don't think it's safe for me to come in today. Especially as I'm handling food now."

"Oh. Well sure, ok. Thanks for letting me know Tavros. I hope you get better soon"

"Yeah, thanks Mark."

I hang up the phone and put it back in its socket. My manager Mark was so nice. Or he was just gullible. Either way, you can't have a sick employee at a diner. I walk back to my bedroom and decide to put some clothes on.

I wear some really loose fitting lounge pants and a baggy t-shirt. It's not hot but it's not cold either so I don't bother with a jumper or the blanket form my bed.

I go over to my mobile and I see I have a new text.

A lump swells in my throat as I see who from. It's from Gamzee.

But on closer inspection, it's not.

Gamzee: HEY TAVROS. IT'S KARKAT, GAMZEE'S FRIEND. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU ARE, THAT GAMZEE NEEDS YOU. HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU MAY THINK OF HIM BUT HE LOVES YOU. HE DOESN'T KNOW IF YOU FEEL THE SAME BUT HE JUST WANTED ME TO TELL YOU THAT- SO YOU KNOW. –KARKAT

The hand holding my phone shakes. I drop the device onto the sofa and tears swell in my eyes. So he did love me. It couldn't be a set up. Karkat was such an angry and serious character. He must be over there with Gamzee.

And I left him there in such a state he needed his friend to send a text for him. I collapse on my knees and sob. How could I do this to the one I love? With tears trying to shield my vision, I reach for my phone and reply.

Tavros: Tell him that I love him too. More than anything in the world. But, I need to be away from him. I need to think all of this through. I love him, but I don't know if I can trust him. I can't see him at the moment. I'm so sorry Gamzee.

I click the send button with a great ache in my heart. Gamzee will hate me- I'm sure of it. There isn't a reply for ages. I can almost hear his sobs from here. I just wanted him to understand that I still loved him with my whole heart but I just couldn't trust him to not harm me or himself. I wanted to run into his arms and love him forever but I couldn't trust that a knife would be in his grasp.

* * *

I sit on Gamzee's sofa with his head placed on my lap. I stroke his wild, untamed black hair. I slip my fingers through it like a comb and he is relaxed. The text I had sent Tavros was 100% true. All of that had actually come out of the crazy clown's mouth.

I couldn't tell if he was asleep or awake. I nudged him and whispered, "Gamzee?"

His head shifted and he grunted- a broken noise.

"The text is sent"

With a sigh, he whispers,"Ok Karbro."

He hugs my knee and nuzzles into my leg. I scratch at his scalp ever so gently like he always liked.

"Do you think he feels the same wa-"

Gamzee was cut off as his phone rang. I checked it and it was a text from Tavros. I told him so.

"Read it out loud to me. Whatever it says- it's ok."

I do so and he turns his body to face me. Tears have started yet again to trickle down his flushed face- now rid of makeup.

"He's leaving me?" He gasps.

"No, no, no Gamzee he isn't. He just needs time to think about what you've told him. Didn't you hear me? He loves you. He loves you more than anything in the world. He'll be back I swear on my fucking life. "I grabbed the phone and thrust it at his face. I made him read it to prove to him I hadn't made up a single word.

I pull away the phone and let him cry into me. It's either tears of happiness, sadness, relief or confusion. Whatever they are of I'm going to make sure that Tavros twerp comes back to Gamzee. Otherwise there will be hell to pay.

I've never seen Gamzee so lost and in love. Part of me doesn't even care about the meat anymore. I just want Gamzee to be happy.

I reply:

Thank You


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you.

That is all the text message read. That could mean one of two things.

Either Gamzee was too distraught by what I had put to even think up an answer or Karkat was honestly thanking me for a good response. Everything seemed to be swirling inside of my head. I crashed to my knees on the living room floor, dropping the floor beside me. In my messy sobbing state I crawled to rest so my back was up against the sofa, my phone still lying by my side on the floor. It had never looked so sinister.

But whatever was running through my head I knew that he was safe with Karkat. Karkat was his best friend and was always there for Gamzee. I wish I could be the one to comfort him. I wanted to be the only one to be able to comfort him- to make him happy. But I knew that now was not the time.

I just wanted to crawl into a ball and die. What had I done? A part of me regretted ever being with Gamzee. Regretted choosing _that_ club to go to. But I loved Gamzee. And I wouldn't be the same person if I hadn't met him. In fact I don't know what life would be like if I hadn't met him. My confidence would have never improved and I would be so lonely. I couldn't lose Gamzee. But trust was a big thing in a relationship and right at this minute- that was the main thing we lacked.

The smartest decision was to take a break for a little while. A least that's what the adult part of my head was saying. The childish one was saying I should call Gamzee and beg for his forgiveness, beg for him back. Because that is all I wanted. But love is hard and love comes slow. I just had to be patient and if that was the cost for Gamzee's love, then that was the price I was willing to pay.

* * *

The Next Day

I sat at the counter, twiddling a pen in my hands. I watched as it twirled around- circling my fingers until it slipped out of my grasp and clinked against the counter. I sighed as I couldn't be bothered to pick it up. I was still depressed from the day before and all I could think of was sadness.

"What's wrong Tavros? Did something happen?" I hear behind me. It was my manager, Mark.

"Yeah. Just boyfriend troubles…" I said, still looking down and not bothering to turn around to face him. I trusted him about knowing about my sexuality. At first I had been scared because I did not want to get fired because he was homophobic but he was kind and accepting.

"Oh I see," he replies, resting his hand on my shoulder," you can come talk to me about anything anytime Tavros."

He walks back into the kitchen and I remain still- looking out at the customers happily eating and drinking their orders.

I wondered what Gamzee would be doing right now. Would he be working? Would he be sat alone on his floor? Would Karkat still be comforting him? I chose to block any thoughts of him out of my head. I knew it would be bad for my mental health. I'd probably go crazy.

* * *

I lay there. Just lay there. My arm draped over my stomach, it loosely hung over the edge of the sofa. I stared at the ceiling, making out shapes in the pattern of the plaster. I made out a butterfly. A beautifully deformed butterfly, floating above my head. Even though it was deformed and crooked- it was beautiful. All the other shapes mocked it and made it feel ugly and worthless. The butterfly thought it was ugly and worthless. This made me sad. I didn't want the butterfly to feel this way. I wanted to comfort it and love it to let it know that it wasn't ugly, or deformed. It was perfect the way it was because that is the way God had made it. And whether the other plaster shapes liked it or not- that is how it was going to stay. It was perfect the way it was and in my eyes it was beautiful.

"Ugh. Gamzee, are you awake?"

The muffled tired voice came from the floor below me. I peeked over the side and saw Karkat there.

"Yeah bro I'm all up and awake."

"You going to work today, asshat?"

"Nah bro. Imma stay here and get high as a motherfucker. Still got some secret weed in the bathroom. You in?"

After a small silence he replied,

"Yeah man. I'm in."


End file.
